A storm in a coffee cup at Vans Café, Cottesloe

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This weather is seriously wild. A torrential river cascading down what was once a road isn’t exactly something I expected to see here in sunny Perth. I’ve seen it a bunch of times in Melbourne and most definitely around South-East Asia but in Perth? It’s madness I tell you. I had arranged to meet fellow blogger Whitney from dineWHITme.com for a coffee at Vans Café in Cottesloe but due to her being something of a study-work-blog-aholic she was running insanely late. I suppose I could have rescheduled but instead I decided to kill half an hour until she arrived.

"Pistachio Macaron" "macaron" "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

Pistachio Macaron & tea

It is an unusual thing for me to do; sit alone in a café sipping coffee, eating a macaron and reading the paper. I am the type of person that rarely stops still for more than a second and thus it didn’t take me long to start chatting to the person sitting next to me about food, cats and vegetarians. By the time Whit rocked up my neighbour had written herself a long list of new restaurant tips that I had suggested down onto her newspaper and she glowed like someone possessing juicy insider information.

 "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

Open and airy

Despite waiting for thirty minutes I was still undecided about my choice from the menu. The lay out of the menu is a little odd with three different time slots with varying overlap. Even after a couple of coffees it was hard to know where to look! We both agonised over it long enough for the waiter to come to our table twice to take our orders only to be met with two blank indecisive faces. It was a bee’s bum away from midday and logic drew me away from ordering some lunch as my hunger for some egg porn was uncontrollable. It’s not uncommon for me to have a second breakfast and I figured this was going to be one of those days.

"egg porn" "Hot potato cake" "smoked salmon" "poached egg" "wilted spinach" "lemon butter" "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

Hot potato cake, with smoked salmon, poached egg, wilted spinach, lemon butter ($23)

There were a number of morning options that you could still order throughout the day and so my choice was a hot potato cake with smoked salmon, wilted spinach and a poached egg. Thankfully I was blessed and my burning desire for a sumptuous gooey egg was completely satisfied. The remainder of the dish was less than impressive however. The lemon butter was poured over my dish to the same exaggerated extent that the rain flooded the streets. The sheer amount of lemon butter would have been overwhelming had it not been that the potato cake was bland and poorly seasoned and was in dire need of a lift.

 "Hot potato cake" "smoked salmon" "poached egg" "wilted spinach" "lemon butter" "Egg porn" "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

Hallelujah!

Whit had her own issues to contend with. Whilst egg porn was far from her mind, she was determined to have a lamb burger. She was on an unofficial mission to find the tastiest lamb burger in town so if it is on the menu, it must be devoured. That is until we were told they had run out of lamb; at twelve o’clock on a Monday. I could feel her disappointment from across the table and empathised; if there weren’t eggs on the menu to feed my addiction I was fairly confident I would pack up and go as I wanted them so bad.

"Masterstock" "pulled pork" "pulled pork sandwich" "Asian slaw" "chilli jam" "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

Master-stock braised, pulled pork sandwich with Asian slaw, chilli jam ($18)

As I nodded consolingly, Whit ended up choosing the lamb burger’s cousin; a pulled pork sandwich with Asian slaw and chilli jam. It turns out she is on a similar quest for the perfect pulled pork as she is with lamb. As she nibbled on her chewy, dry bun and flavourless pork my heart went out to her as my rays of golden egg enveloped everything on my plate. Looking at the torrential rain outside, my egg was to be the closest either of us would get to any sunshine that day.

"Masterstock" "pulled pork" "pulled pork sandwich" "Asian slaw" "chilli jam" "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

The innards

As the pouring rain became apocalyptic outside, the whole of Napoleon Street completely filled up like a river breaking its banks. It looked like neither of us were heading anywhere else in a hurry. Brushing the let-down of the pulled pork aside, we looked about for a dessert menu to cheer up the taste buds.

"Caramelised ginger rice pudding" "Caramelised ginger" "rice pudding" "stem ginger ice-cream" "Perth Restaurant Reviews" "food photos" "Perth food blog" "food blog" "Chompchomp" "Gluten free" "Fructose malabsorption" "Perth restaurants" "Perth food reviews" "breakfast" "casual dining" "Cottesloe" "Napolean Street" "Western suburbs" "Claremont" "Vans" "vans cafe" "brunch" "Crema coffee" "perth cafes" "bloggers" "DineWhitme" "beach cafes"

Caramelised ginger rice pudding, stem ginger ice-cream ($15)

Our dessert choice to share was a caramelised ginger rice pudding with the deceptive appearance of being a crème brûlée. We tapped and cracked the thin shell on top to reveal a thick creamy bed of dulcet rice pudding. Subtle hints of fresh lemony ginger added a bit of zing with even more tangy ginger in the scoop of ice-cream.

Encouraged by our winning dessert, we thought we would sit out the rain for a bit longer and have a round of coffee. We had already been chattering away for over four hours and I resigned to myself that my long list of tasks to do on my day off could simply wait for another day. With all the crazy crap that is going on in my life at the moment, whiling a day away in a café chatting with a newly found friend was much more enjoyable. As Whit took a sip of her coffee her face screwed up into contortions of displeasure border lining on pain. I reached over to grab her coffee for a taste; it was piping hot with an after-taste much like charcoal. What was to follow was something I’m sure can be defined as “how not to handle a disgruntled customer 101”. After three rounds of burnt coffee and a number of condescending comments implying that we obviously had no idea what a long macchiato tasted like, we were both left bewildered and mildly offended.

Customer service unfortunately still remains sorely lacking in some venues around Perth. With the recent opening of so many exciting and switched on eateries it would be wise for these restaurants to start improving or risk ending up getting left behind in the slipstream of other’s successes.

For the full story on what went down with the coffee saga head over to Whit’s account of our lunch on her blog: “Off the wall and into Vans”.

Vans Café
1 Napoleon Street, Cottesloe WA 6011 | (08) 9384 0696 | www.vanscafe.com.au
 
Price:                     $$$ (Breakfast $13-23, Mains $18-42)
Food:                     2.5/5 (hits and misses)
Service:                2/5 (1st rule of customer service: the customer is always right)
Ambience:           3.5/5 (bright, airy and even with the gloom outside felt sunny)
Drinks:                  2/5 (burnt Crema coffee…..so sad)
Total:                     10/20

Vans Cafe on Urbanspoon

 

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